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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Why is my BIPOLAR/MANIC SISTER "TONED-DOWN" with her Boyfriend and his family?

it pisses me off because she acts very manic around us (me, mother and dad) and she tones it down when around her boyfriend of 4 years and his family...
why? does she like them more then her real family...
Answer:
maybe she is.

Maybe when she's around you (her family) her total history of bipolarisms are under a magnifying glass %26 her anxiety is way up.

if that answer makes no sense, i'm sorry, ask a therapist.. just ask that question, you don't need therapy for 6mos. to find out some other reasons.
Why do some kids behave better at school than at home? Why don't violent husbands beat people at work? Why do overeaters eat lightly in restaurants and gorge themselves in their own kitchens? She's terrified that if she exhibits symptoms in front of them that they will judge her.

Because she's only with them a set amount of time she uses extra effort to control her symptoms. It must be very stressful, and home is the only place where she can let down her guard. It's not that she likes them more, she's just trying much harder to impress them.
Actually, it's believe that the reason most bipolars "let loose" at home and can seem to control it better around others, is because at home, they know they're loved and can be who they are. They spend the time in the "outside world" fighting the illness to keep it at bay.
Then once at home, they typically let down their guard and fall apart from the effort of having to try to keep it together elsewhere.
This is very common.
However, if she's still really having manic issues, it sounds as though she may need med adjustments and should speak with her psychiatrist. They likely need tweaking to achieve more stability.
Hang in there, as mother of a bipolar teenage girl I know it can be really rough (though fortunately she's not an extreme case like some I've heard about).
Perhaps ask your parents if you can speak with a therapist yourself about it to help get some better understanding as well as to learn some coping skills?
Good luck!
She may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) along with the BAD (bipolar affective disorder). It is possible to be suffering from both. People with BPD can be manipulative at times (in the case of acting one way with some people and another way with others) and can also go from happy to angry in a minute. Check out this National Institute of Health website for a good idea of what BPD is all about. It is treated with therapy, there is no medication for it.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm...
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Be happy for her, especially if she is able to feeling normal, which is so hard for her. She probably feels love, and the endorphins are stabilizing her.
Please be happy, and learn to tell her you are glad she's happy, and she deserves this.
If your family and you feel this is a competition, maybe start planning a night were they come over for a movie or get a new trivia game. Hey family life is what you make it, if you are half as serious as bringing a positive situation to an inevitable one. Ask her and her boyfriend if they can come and what they would like to eat and drink. Better yet, ask them to bring something(surprise) food or game. That why you start a new family night for you.
Don't take it that way. She probably lives in great fear that they will reject her if they know about the mania.

I have a good friend who is Bipolar and he has developed powerful self control to try to hide it. It is very very hard on him and every now and then he dumps all his friends and changes churches because helpful people try to give him advice and he thinks they are too close to the truth and probably will reject him like his own family did.
Maybe her family is the source of her illness and she finds normalcy and tranquility with her bf's family
It's not that she likes them better, it's that she's less comfortable around them. I know that I try to keep from appearing ill when I'm around people who don't know or understand that I'm bipolar. It may seem unfair that you all have to tolerate her illness more than they do, but it's because she knows you'll love her anyway. At least, that's how I see it, being bipolar.

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